I am thinking the impossible, the unthinkable. I am tired of the neglect. I am tired. I am searching, waiting for a reason to stay. Am I a fool? A dreamer? The dialogue has ceased. What do I do? So many questions, no one can help me. Where is my love?
What’s the matter Jake? Talk to me. You seem so distant. I love you Jake.
I have surrendered my feelings of possessiveness, I have relinquished control. When Elijah returns home from school I am astounded by how he has grown physically and emotionally. He is becoming a young man. He is independent. I am continually awestruck by his discipline, passion and motivation. He is prepared to make the necessary sacrifices to succeed. It can be unnerving. He is just a child.
CONVERSATIONS I keep having conversations in my head. I ask myself a question. I think I know the answer. I ask myself the same question. I have a different answer. I don’t know what to do. There is so much expectation. Emotional suffering.
THE VINES- It’s happening again. I am trying to stay focused, remain anchored. I am a free spirit, but I have so many responsibilities. I am unsupported, shunned. Is this where I want to be? The vines are holding onto me. I am not able to move, I am trapped. It is an impossible situation. How much longer? I have an overwhelming feeling of despair. Past conversations fade away. Where is my love?
Butterflies have a tenacious spirit, they are free to fly where ever they want to go. Emotionally I am drifting, nomadic. I keep my feelings to myself. But I want to be a butterfly. Butterflies are deep and powerful representations, they symbolize endurance, change, hope and life. The butterfly is delicate, tremulous and fragile, the flower of the sky. The Butterfly is love. I feel so empty. What does it feel like to fly away? I am so tired. I am so lonely. Am I chasing perfection? Chasing a dream that doesn’t exist. You are never there for me. You never see how lost and confused I am. How unhappy I am. I feel so help-less, a huge empty space exists where you should be. I am not here anymore. The butterflies are lifting me up, not holding me down. I am drifting away. I don’t know where I am going. I want you to save me. I have a void waiting to be filled with love.
OVERSHADOWED. I often feel overlooked and ignored. I am finding the situation more and more difficult. It doesn’t matter what I do or say it is not important, my opinion is overlooked. I am overshadowed. I am frustrated. I try to make myself look perfect, but it goes unnoticed. The Gerberas are innocent they symbolize cheerfulness, they are so strong. I fade away behind their beauty. I feel imprisoned by the Gerberas they are trapping me. I am standing firm but they are a force, a strength, sweeping and swaying.
INVISIBLE. I want to be strong, the daisies are beginning to rain down. They are fragile, a symbol of purity and hope. They are unspoilt. Daisies represent loyalty, love and commitment. The daisies continue to tumble. I am absorbing their energy wishing them to rejuvenate me. The flowers are so beautiful. I do matter. I must not give in, my opinion counts. I must be strong.
Forgotten narrates a story of feeling trapped. I antagonize, I am irritated and exasperated with myself for allowing situations to prevail. I am holding on, I am grasping onto what I believe in and what I want to achieve. I am fighting with myself suppressing my feelings, allowing myself to be manipulated. I have a total lack of control, nothing is stable, everything is moving, nothing is solid everything is emotionally unsettled.
I am frustrated and feeling isolated. My mobile keeps ringing. Feelings of resentment and helplessness is overwhelming. I feel vulnerable. The mobile phone and social media have become ubiquitous tools in our society. They are unavoidable, it is hard to escape. Sometimes you need to block a persistent caller who won’t leave you alone.
The impact of being online and the necessity to be contactable at all times can be frustrating. The millennial generation are reliant on their mobile phones. They are online engaged in another world, whilst sitting next to you. I have a sense of being ignored, unnoticed. It is often easier to text the boys to get a reply to a question or to gain their attention. The mobile becomes the first thing they touch when they wake and the last thing they read before going to bed.
